How to Process Being Wrong
It is our nature to be wrong about things. What matters most, however, is how you deal with these instances.
Being wrong sucks. In an ideal world where we’re all reasonable and open-minded, being wrong wouldn’t matter. Sadly, that’s not the world we live in. If anything, our unwillingness to accept being wrong contributes to a stubborn intractability that prevents society from progressing.
This is especially true on the internet, where anonymity provides a false sense of security to hurl abuse at others without any consequences. I’m looking at you, Twitter.
Of course, the argument can be made that we should ignore those who are wrong, and instead focus on those who are willing to listen. This sounds nice in theory, but not everyone can be right all the time. We’re only human, and prone to mistakes. By acknowledging our fallibility, we can learn to be less prideful, and accept when someone has a point even if our first reaction is to dismiss it.
This isn’t to say we should accept another person’s invalid arguments and run with them. However, there may be some truth hidden in their argument, and perhaps by exploring it further we can provide a stronger counter-argument.
In this article, I will be tackling my own experiences of being wrong, and how one can approach such a situation.
Outline what it means for you to be wrong, and choose a perspective
Initially, I thought that being wrong simply meant believing something that is false. That is to say, if something is true, then it cannot be wrong. This is a rather narrow definition and fails to account for alternate definitions.
One may argue that something can be factually wrong. For example, 2 + 2 = 5 is factually wrong because it’s not true. This too is a rather narrow definition as it limits wrongness to only those seen as facts.
This brings us to the question of whether morals are facts or opinions. For our purposes, let us assume that morals are opinions; that is, while you may believe something to be morally right or wrong, it is not factually either of those things.
This definition brings us to a different perspective: Being wrong means believing something that is contrary to reality. This means that if reality does not match our beliefs, then our beliefs are wrong.
Accepting when you’re wrong
This is the easy part. All it requires is an openness of mind and a little humility. While it can be difficult to admit that you’re wrong, it’s very liberating in that you learn something new, even if that “new thing” is that you still have a lot to learn. We are humans, and as such, are prone to making mistakes. When we accept that we’re wrong, we can learn from those mistakes and grow as people.
Remember that being wrong shouldn’t be embarrassing. Being wrong means that you can recognise a better argument. Being wrong means that you are ambitious enough to want to find the truth; whether it’s what you originally thought or not.
So next time, remember: Being wrong isn’t the end of the world, and you’ll only learn from it.
Admit that you are wrong
Accepting and admitting that you are wrong are not the same thing. The former requires no effort; it is a default. The latter is an active choice, and one I struggle with on a regular basis.
Let me explain.
By nature, I am aware that I tend to be an insufferable know-it-all. By that same nature, I’m often wrong about things. This poses something of a problem when in the presence of others.
More often than not, I find myself in situations where I’m arguing a point. Most of the time it’s a futile endeavor; I’m rarely ever right. However, the few times that I am, it’s a hollow victory. Why is that? It’s quite simple: I’ve never convinced anyone of anything. At best, people just brush off the topic as if to say “Okay, you’re right, but who really cares anyway?”
I used to get frustrated by such exchanges, but I’ve since realised that getting frustrated will do no good. I’ve also come to accept that I’m wrong more often than not — so much so that the rare times I’m right seem rather insignificant in comparison. It’s almost as if being right isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; at least, not in the way I thought it would be.
Ultimately, I’ve had to change my approach by actively trying to accept when I’m wrong. This doesn’t mean I’ve become a doormat and don’t stand my ground in an argument. But rather than wasting energy defending a position that I’ve come to learn is wrong, I’d rather focus on the correct position as determined by my opponent. I think you’ll find that people respect such a thing, as opposed to someone who continues to argue for something they will never concede.
The point of this is that there are situations where we are wrong, and that’s okay. If you’re able to openly admit that you’re wrong, then it can be a refreshing change of pace. When you’re wrong, try to accept it. Then learn from that mistake so that it doesn’t happen again in the future.
Just please don’t be like me and spend years being stubborn.
Recognize what you can learn from those instances when you are wrong
This is sort of an extension of the above, but I feel it deserves its own point. When one accepts and admits that they are wrong, then they must also ask themselves: What can be learned from this? What caused me to be wrong in this situation?
For example, if you believed that eating McDonalds everyday would not cause you any long-term health issues, but then you get diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, you need to ask yourself why. This can be from any action that you would consider a mistake, such as the example I gave, or even something like getting fired because you had a disagreement with your boss.
One common mistake people make is to not learn anything from their past mistakes. This is what I’d like to call the ostrich effect. You bury your head in the sand and pretend that you’re not at fault when you really are, or at least partially so.
To give another example, let’s say that you believe that something you said in passing several months ago made someone uncomfortable, and as a result, they stopped hanging around with you. If you were to blame your dwindling friendship on them, then you’re essentially burying your head in the sand. Sure, they may have stopped talking with you for other reasons, but what you said undoubtedly played a part in it. If such is the case, then you need to reflect on what you did and try to do better next time.
I feel this is a fairly important aspect of owning up to being wrong, and helps prevent future mistakes from occurring.
Being wrong is part of the human experience and there’s nothing wrong with that. The important thing, however, is to learn from one’s mistakes so that they’re not repeated. As Montaigne once said, “To commit a mistake is common to all men; but to be able to correct it, is the sign of a wise man.”
We are all human, and we will thus have moments where we’re wrong. What matters most is that we’re willing to recognise those mistakes and learn from them.
